The anger arrived during perimenopause.

I felt like a pressure cooker. Everything was boiling inside me, and I just had to release some steam.

Before that, I was very patient and very kind, even when people weren’t paying attention to my feelings and needs.

And then that suddenly changed.

I no longer had the patience to tolerate people who were putting me down (even if they were trying to do it in a seemingly nice way). I was no longer allowing myself to put other people’s needs first to the excruciating degree I had allowed before. And I’d just had enough of tolerating bad behaviour.

I just had no patience left.

I remember a moment when I snapped at my daughter’s tutor for not telling me some details about their lessons. And as right as I might have been, I felt such guilt for reacting that way. I was so shocked by my own behaviour, because I was so used to being polite and kind, even when the other person didn’t deserve it.

I felt so bad that I instantly wanted to apologise. I brought the moment back to my mind again and again, trying to understand what had just happened. I couldn’t understand where that had come from, and why it had come out in such a harsh way.

I realised it later, not at that moment, when the anger surfaced in other situations too.

The good girl in me had disappeared. And oh boy, that felt so difficult to accept, and at the same time it came as a great relief.

Looking back, I guess it was the exact moment I stopped accepting people devaluing me. And in that instant, devaluing my daughter.

I could have kept my mouth shut and let it be, as I usually did. But no, that wasn’t an option anymore.

And as much as I had been working on issues like speaking out without fear in my therapy, perimenopause came to teach them to me, even if I didn’t like it.

Every woman lives this differently, and yours might look nothing like mine.

For me, when it rose, all the thoughts and feelings were boiling in me, and I just needed to find a way to get them out of my system. My breath was quick and shallow. The thoughts were processed very rapidly. I felt this pressure in my head, so my blood pressure was probably going up. Especially at the beginning, stopping it wasn’t an option.

The Kraken had to be released!

With time, and being in menopause now, the anger has settled. I filter the things I want to say, but I do say them. I don’t shove them down until they become a huge pile.

And now that I know what’s happening to me, I take a step back. I try to cool myself down by slowing my breath. I don’t speak. I don’t say anything. I just wait for myself to calm down. When I do, I assess the moment and check whether it’s the right time to fight or flee. If things could escalate, I remove myself from the space. If not, I speak out loud, but in a more conscious way.

I like myself better this way, to be honest. I feel lighter because I don’t keep my feelings hidden for fear of hurting or insulting somebody. I’m into peace and love, but up to a point! I have no patience for nonsense anymore!

P.S. I have something small for you. It’s called The 3AM Reset. Three days, three small things, for the nights when you wake at 3AM and can’t get back down. It’s free, and it’s yours to keep.

Get The 3AM Reset here